Dear Swagger,

How are you feeling after rejecting one of us less than 20 seconds ago? Growing up in India, you have been a very important part of my day to day life. From railway stations, airports, commercial tourist spots, to malls, I see you everywhere. More often than not, I am desperate for you and the other times, you are for me. We share a love-hate relationship. You reject me almost every day while going to work while coming back from work, and as if that wasn’t enough, in my dreams too. “Nahi Madam”, has haunted me for quite some time now. Of course, there have been days where I didn’t need you. Like the time you saw me coming out of the railway station? I chided you away because I had a ride back home. The rejection is suffered by both ends, clearly. However 200% of the times, it’s you who is being unreasonable.

We decided to research about this issue for 2 hours, after coming across the following questions (refer to the screenshots.) The nation wants to know the answers to these and we haven taken the lead in helping you know better, fellow Indians.

Please note: We haven’t answered any of these questions, by the way.

Screenshot_20170401-181604    Screenshot_20170401-181539

We conducted a fake real social experiment, where auto-rickshaw wallah’s from HSR Layout Bangalore, were our subjects.

Example number 1:

Example Number 2:

Example Number 3:

Finding a rickshaw can be taxing, sometimes. The unpredictability of this relationship has made me wander into the deep roots of the variables that influence your decision making. You will be glad to know that I have cracked the code.

Yes= (X+Y-Z)+Mood*

Here, X stands for the perfect measurement of the distance we intend to travel. We have to estimate this correctly, the distance can not be too far and it cannot be too less since that will have a less monetary value. If you have overcharged a few tourists and frustrated locals, you will be happy to take me. However, if you have only managed to attract cheap locals who insist on you using the meter, you will not be in the best of moods.

Y: Y stands for the perfect time of the day. Indian cities can get hot & sweaty. When we are struggling with the weather and are too tired, that’s the time you will charge us more and say the most number of “no’s.” During night time, it’s easy to get a yes but we might have to sell our kidney to afford the ride. Usually, early evening works best as you are not overwhelmed with too may offers and are probably feeling fresh after the afternoon nap.

Z: Z stands for desperation. This is a tough card to play with. The trick here is that we should never show you how badly we want the ride. If you sense it, chances are you will act more pricey than a bartender on a Saturday night. So I suggest aspiring passengers tread carefully and not show too much of their emotions at this point.

Mood: Of course all of this is highly influenced by your mood. If we ever dare to hurt your ego, you will make sure we drown in the river of your attitude.

*Conditions Apply. (Just like my life, this formula makes no sense what so ever.)

Here is some proof.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank a few of you, who have left a dent in my bleeding heart.  I sincerely want to thank you for the following:

  • Teaching me how to be punctual. I will tell you how, assume that I have to reach work by 9:30 and it takes roughly 30 minutes to reach the destination. If I think that I can start looking for an auto only at 9:00 am, I am making a terrible mistake. Why? Because then, I have forgotten to give consideration to the buffer time needed to find one of you who will take me. Expect at least 4 rejections and deals gone wrong before you find THE ONE.
  • I am more open to facing rejection now, I have become more thick skinned. I know that you don’t mean to hurt me when you turn me down. It’s the profession that has made you like that.
  • I have learnt that one should never give up. I recall an incident where I was not given the chance to sit on those inviting leathery seats by 10 of you. But I didn’t give up. I kept swimming.
  • To one specific fellow who let me and my friends ride his rickshaw as we explored the temples of Hampi. Also the time I figured out the reason behind the shoulder tilt.
  • And for always taking us through the longest possible route so as to make sure that we get used to the city and you get paid well.

So let’s just except that we both have had our ups and downs. I have realised that sometimes it’s best to let go of things than to hold on for too long. Also, I have to confess that I have been cheating on you with multiple on-demand taxi services. I can’t tell you their names, but they are much smoother, comfortable and make me feel like I matter. Hopefully, things will go well.

I won’t forget you ever, as you have a soft spot in my heart and always will. Having said that, I would like to let you know that soft spots don’t mean shit to anyone.

Until next time,

Emotionally Damaged Passenger

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